Somebody's Blues
by alwayslovingyou
Summary: (An invisible cloak of it-didn't-mean-anything-it-doesn't-it-can't-it-won't-mean-anything.) LP/ONESHOT


**A/N**: I don't really know what this is. I just miss them (them from the early seasons, those were the best in my opinion). Hopefully it will make sense to someone. English isn't my first language.

I obviously don't own One Tree Hill. Or Jimmy Eat World's Gotta Be Somebody's Blues.

* * *

_Somebody's Blues_

˝That's me inside you head.˝

The first uttered words. (To _her_.) A cold look directed towards me, _don't-think-you've-impressed-me_ and _what-the-hell_, suddenly I'm a three-year-old boy with an urge to hide behind my mother's skirt. But she is. Inside every breathing pore of mine, unfamiliar yet constant and calming, it's wind rushing through fields, a fire swallowing everything in sight including my common sense and it's just her. Inside my head.

˝Pretty sure.˝

Positively sure. Absolutely sure. _Hundred fucking percent sure_. Pretty? Left side of his mouth twitches into a Scott smirk, smile, smile (but not completely, Nathan's on the right side). His eyes aren't blue, they aren't the sky, they sound like waves crashing onto rocks, a thunderstorm at it's peak, it's the place just on the other side of chaos, anger and bitterness but I'm pretty sure I don't need it. (Him.)

˝We didn't have to be, we just are.˝

From what-the-hell (_and a need to impress him_) to finally coming to terms with just accepting things how they really are (how we've made them, the inbetween part is slowly fading with the rain and the sun and the snow and the rain and the sun). Knowing we are the same shade of colour green and blue, _a dreamer's shade_ (two dreamers don't match, right?), starting again from the end and the small things, letting go of the big ones (you were a crappy friend to me, I was a crappy friend to Brooke). The clarity of knowing we want the same things but _the- timing's- always-wrong_ and it's ours only to let go of, and begin again. And at the moment, the only thing I'm really sure about is Jake. (And this, too.)

˝It's always going to be there, you and me.˝

An infinite fact. Unproven, untouched, creeping beneath somethingsomething, it cannot breathe. A flaming heart washed from the rain and the snow and the sun and the rain and the sun, three shotguns, a box of nothingness and _everythingness_, stolen traces of what-could-have-been's (small, barely visible burn marks, lost kisses on the left side of my neck just below the ear). She bobs her head, memories falling from her curls, for a moment we aren't in her room anymore (for a moment nothing exists except her, nothing and no one, but there's a familiar face just above her bed and I remember how much she loves him and I remember I want her, Brooke). A song which I haven't heard for a long time, _we ain't nobody's darlings_. So I settle for watching her dance.

¨I like being that guy for you.˝

Feels like having a cake and eating it, too. For a second I want two cakes, a chocolate one and a vanilla one, a vanilla one and a chocolate one (the second passes through my eyelids before I get a chance to unravel it). I love being that guy for you, I love that you can turn to me for help once again, I love knowing I'm worthy of your trust (it's the rarest flower of them all). I love – _chocolate_.

˝The stars are crying for what we could have had. It reminds me of Lucas. Jake! ...Jake.˝

I'm falling again, the fall seems never ending, as if I were dying, slipping from the stars to the clouds (it's a broken car by the lake and one star in his left eye, it's a hidden laugh covered by his chest next to a swing and a star in his left eye, it's a rose blooming in his bedroom and a star slipping from his eye down his cheek, a silent apology I can barely make out but it's there, it's moments of eternity covered in cheap blankets and countless letters on white pages). I hold the star in my hand. (Then it slips away, a silent death, a small promise of _maybe- possibly-not_). A child's laugh, Jake's smile full of sunshine and I feel again, I fall in love again. Warm covers under me. _Are you wearing eyeshadow?_ (Everything will be okay.)

˝Somebody's got to.˝

Sounds as though she is unworthy of it all. Of saving. I'll save you, always, I will, I promise you, I will keep _this_ promise to you, don't fall asleep. My right arm tingles from her breathing, in and out, in and out, in and out, in- a good day, a snow fort, a tunnel, she and Brooke (Brooke is safe.) - out._ I could never hold anything against you._

˝Because I've lost a lot of blood.˝

And if I lose any more, I won't be able to say it. I won't be able to say anything. (It's a strange comfort knowing your face will be the last one I see. The boy with waves in his eyes and a forgotten star in the corner of his left eye.) _Just in case you can't keep your promise._ (An invisible cloak of it-didn't-mean-anything-it-doesn't-it-can't-it-won't-mean-anything.)

˝I love you, too.˝

_I love you, you know that?_ I wish I didn't talk in my sleep, I wished for innocent laughter and sunshine smiles, I wish to belong to a distant place- a place to call my own, I wish I didn't know this part of myself (_I want all the same things that you want and I want them with you – of course it did- would you hold it against me_), but no matter how far I run I just keep running right back into the blurriness of it all. And in the middle, a fallen star. _I love you, too_.

˝You look nice.˝

A three-year-old boy standing in front of you and proudly walking away, as if I had built the highest tower. Brooke smells of chocolate and heavy rain and red roses, I love roses, I love the rain, I love Brooke, but you look nice for a second, _ one second too long_ and for a moment I can't remember why I love roses so much. _A kiss always means something._


End file.
